Once I really understood the value in this step – it was life-changing. I use to always see my situation or circumstances as someone else’s fault. I believe it was my way of protecting my “victim status”.
Early in my career, I called work to inform my supervisor that I would be late because I needed to accompany a friend to the Urgent Care with her baby. She was my bestie at the time and needed my support.
When I arrived at work, I was immediately reprimanded and documented. I could not for the life of me figure out why. I was in my early twenties and lacked any understanding of the proper protocol. The only thing I could think of was “they do not like me!”
Later, when I became a supervisor for the first time, I had an instant recall when an employee did something similar. Of course, I was able to educate and extend grace because I had been there. It became a teachable moment as opposed to a reprimand. Nonetheless, I took responsibility for my actions in that situation and was able to effectively get someone else to do the same by putting it in the proper perspective.
But, what about when you are truly traumatized and victimized by someone else’s actions?
Although you should not take responsibility for the violator’s actions, you must take responsibility for how you allow it to impact you. The way you respond to victimization determines whether or not you will continue to be victimized for years to come.
Rewinding that mental tape will only traumatize you more. If that is what you are doing, then you must take responsibility for that action.